Changing Your Mind from Your Greatest Enemy to Your Greatest Ally
Do you ever feel like you are in a battle with yourself?
How often do you talk yourself out of things?
Did you know one of the job’s of your mind is to help you survive and keep you from getting hurt? It’s first instinct is to move you away from any kind of pain and towards pleasure. Tony Robbins teaches this and I recently read the following in a book by therapist Marisa Peer.
“Since our greatest need is to be accepted and our greatest fear is to be rejected, many of us avoid pain by avoiding situations where we could be rejected, such as not talking to someone we are attracted to in case they don’t feel the same. Or not asking someone for help in case they say no and not going for a job we really want in case we don’t get it.” Peer, Marisa. Ultimate Confidence (Kindle Locations 476-479). Little, Brown Book Group. Kindle Edition.
YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Your mind wants to help you stay comfortable. You have probably heard we all have a comfort zone that we need to push and expand if we want to grow….this is a challenge, mostly for your mind.
Once you change your mind, you can take advantage of opportunities and grow and achieve.
CHANGE YOUR MIND
How can you do this?
Try this next exercise by Marissa Peer:
You can choose what to link pain and pleasure to and in doing so you can succeed or fail to have the life and the confidence you want. You have enormous power to choose what to link pain to.
Everything we want in life, with few exceptions, is because of how we think it will make us feel; you need to make yourself feel good about going for your goals instead of fearing how you would feel if it didn’t work out.
You cannot fail; you can only fail to try. Once you remove the fear of failing you have stopped linking pain to it. You can reverse what you link pain and pleasure to and you can make it permanent by following the exercise below.
Using the sentences below as a guide, write out what you link pain to and then change it or minimize it so you cannot link as much pain to it ever again, which in turn will stop the confusion in your mind and stop you procrastinating and putting things off. By minimizing or changing what you link pain to and maximizing what you link pleasure to, you are already reversing your pain and pleasure cues and you are already beginning to change your life for the better.
Exercise 3 Write out what you link pain to, for example:
I might not succeed.
I could fail.
I might look stupid.
I could be rejected.
If I don’t make it I won’t be able to cope.
People might laugh at me.
My work might not be good enough.
I might find out I have no talent.
Turn that into pleasure:
I will succeed,
I will make myself succeed, this program is wiring me to succeed.
I can’t fail, I can only learn more about me and get another step closer to my goals and finding out what I am meant to do.
No one has the power to make me look stupid.
No one can reject me unless I allow them to and I won’t do that.
I can cope with anything as I move towards my goals.
I am more than good enough.
Everything that doesn’t work out takes me closer to my real talent and abilities.
Now write out what you link pleasure to, for example:
I will get my promotion.
I feel great about asking for a pay rise and do it with confidence.
I am comfortable talking to strangers; people like me.
I am ready to attract the right person into my life as I feel good about myself.
I am excited about discovering my talents, gifts and abilities.
Peer, Marisa. Ultimate Confidence (Kindle Locations 531-533 535-561). Little, Brown Book Group. Kindle Edition.
You do not have to accept any criticism from others that does not help you improve yourself.
One of my favorite stories is of a journalist going to interview a holy man; the journalist rubbished all the beliefs of the holy man and insulted everything the holy man stood for. Throughout the insults and criticisms the holy man continued to smile, even to beam, with happiness and contentment. Finally the journalist said in exasperation, ‘I don’t understand why you are smiling. I have just criticized you and mocked you.’ The holy man replied, ‘If you offer me a gift and I don’t accept it, who has the gift?’ ‘Why, I do,’ said the journalist. ‘Exactly,’ replied the holy man, ‘I don’t accept your criticisms. They belong to you and they can stay with you.’ You can apply this to being criticized: if you don’t let it in and if you don’t accept it then you leave it with the critic. Peer, Marisa. Ultimate Confidence (Kindle Locations 600-606). Little, Brown Book Group. Kindle Edition.
WHAT ARE YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS?
What limiting beliefs are holding you back? Do you have a plan to change the beliefs that are currently holding you back?
Some people have limiting beliefs about Money, Self-Worth, Success, Relationships. Deepak Chopra says we have up to 90,000 thoughts a day and most of these thoughts are the same ones we had yesterday.
If you focus on changing your thoughts and beliefs, you will change your life.
You can see that whatever you believe becomes true; if you believe you can’t do something you are right, and if you believe you can you are also right. We make our beliefs and then we go out into the world looking for examples to back them up and we find them. Whatever you choose to believe you will always find an example to support your belief. Peer, Marisa. Ultimate Confidence (Kindle Locations 658-661). Little, Brown Book Group. Kindle Edition.
Try the below experiment Marisa suggests:
You can experiment with this by deciding to believe for one day that people are dishonest or mean and look for examples of that everywhere you go; the next day look for examples of how honest or kind people are. In each experiment you will find proof of your belief. When you change your beliefs the universe will support your changes and prove you right. Remember: first you make your beliefs and then your beliefs make you, so make sure your beliefs are good ones that will help you, not hurt you, that will motivate you and propel you forwards rather than hold you back. Peer, Marisa. Ultimate Confidence (Kindle Locations 661-665). Little, Brown Book Group. Kindle Edition.
Your beliefs can affect your business and how much progress you are making.
Your internal insecurities are not market reality – Brendon Bruchard
As your beliefs change, you can focus on changing habits in your life as well.
(lessons from Unleash the Power Within team zoom call 9/4/20)
Associate pleasure to your successes. Reward yourself when you make progress.
Pick some simple habits to start with that you know will better your life.
Some suggested habits you could implement:
- 30 minutes feeding your mind every day. (Read a book, watch educational YouTube video or Audio book)
- Taking action in spite of uncertainty.
- Act out of abundance. (buy something for the person in line behind you, give time, give love)
- Choose your partners and people you align with. You are the sum total of the 5 people that you are around.
- Adjust your social groups and choose your spiritual leaders.
- Create momentum. Every time you do something amazing during the day….Reward the Effort you make towards your goals, NOT the Result. (tap your knee or your heart, snap your fingers)
THOUGHT CHANGING DAILY QUESTIONS
(lessons from Unleash the Power Within team zoom call 9/4/20)
Ask yourself these questions every morning and evening. No matter what is going on in your life, your mind will find the answers and change your mental state and thought patterns.
- What am I most happy about and how does it make me feel?
- What am I most proud of and how does it make me feel?
- What am I most committed to and how does it make me feel?
- What have I been given today? In what ways have I been a giver?
- What have I learned today?
- How has today added to the quality of investment on my life?
Start by picking 2 or 3 of the above exercises or suggestions to implement in your life.
Do you have other tools that have worked for you? Please comment below.